I have had it up to my tits with idiots on the road. Driving is NOT a difficult task, yet everyday I almost get creamed by some douchebag who should have their license revoked permanently.
With that in mind, I give you fucktards a 20 step guide to driving. Enjoy!
And so begins Driving for Fucktards: A Guide:
- GET OFF MY ASS. Fucktard
- If you are unable to drive at the posted speed limit, or close to it, GET OFF THE ROAD. Fucktard.
- If you are going to switch to the fast lane, DON’T SLOW DOWN as soon as you get there. Fucktard.
- If you are in the fast lane and people are passing you, MOVE OVER. Fucktard.
- When approaching train tracks, do NOT slam on your brakes! Go read up about how shocks work. Fucktard.
- If you don’t understand the concept of a traffic circle, GET OFF THE ROAD. Fucktard.
This sign means you have your own lane around the bend. IT DOES NOT MEAN STOP! Fucktard.- If you do not know how to merge, GET OFF THE ROAD. Fucktard.
- If you don’t know how to use a 4 way stop, GET OFF THE ROAD. Fucktard.
- If you can’t see over the steering wheel, GET OFF THE ROAD. Fucktard
- If you can’t drive in rain, snow, wind or sunshine GET OFF THE ROAD. Fucktard.
- Those things extruding from each side of your car at the window are called Rear View Mirrors, USE THEM! Fucktard.
- I don’t care if you are talking to the goddamn Queen, GET OFF THE PHONE when you’re driving. Fucktard.
- Texting + Driving = Fucktard. Fucktard.
- If you are watching any kind of video device while driving, GET OFF THE ROAD. Fucktard.
- If you know you need an exit, get in the proper lane AHEAD OF TIME! Fucktard.
- If you don’t know how to use that little stick that gives you those ‘flashy arrow things’ in your console, GET OFF THE ROAD. Fucktard.
- Doing little weaves into my lane does not constitute a turn signal, and no I won’t let you in. Fucktard.
- Just because you drive a Hummer/F9000/Monster Truck does not mean you own the road (It just means you are compensating for your vagina). Fucktard.
- For those who missed it the first time. GET OFF MY ASS. Fucktard.
Now that you have been advised on the top 20 driving techniques, PUT THEM TO USE. Fucktard.
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